Womanizer
by aznillusion183
Summary: Zoro thinks Luffy's a womanizer. A bit suggestive near the end. One-shot!


In the pirating world, the best way to get a good measure of a fellow pirate's strength was by his (or her) bounty. Those with the highest were generally the fiercest, strongest, and most dangerous criminals that sailed the seas.

Of course, there were always exceptions to the rule…

"Saaaaanjiiiii, I'm huuuuungry. Niku! Now!" Monkey D. Luffy wrapped himself around Sanji's leg, gnawing at the cook's thigh in his hunger. With his childish mannerisms and slight frame, he boasts a whopping bounty of 300 million beri.

Pirates everywhere who had been defeated by this man's stretchy limbs wept in shame after having been defeated by such a goofy-looking young man.

"Oi, Luffy, get off! These are my best designer pants, you shitty rubber!" Sanji growled. A user of the famous Red Leg fighting style, he held a bounty of 77 million—which many people were unaware of, due to his horrendous picture.

"Just get him something to eat, would you? I can't sleep with all this noise," Zoro growled, scratching himself as he woke up. "C'mon, ero-cook, I could use some grub too." This yawning and lethargic swordsman was worth 120 million dollars. Some debated as to whether his green hair or large bounty was more remarkable.

"I'm not making anything for you assholes! Get out!"

---

Sanji searched the ship, looking for his tie. He had taken it off in the afternoon heat and couldn't seem to be able to find it again.

"Damn, to lose an indigo blue silk tie from Doskoi Panda is a travesty…" he muttered to himself, entering the men's sleeping quarters. He found his tie on his hammock, as well as a pensive Zoro who was staring at the wall. "What are you doing, marimo?" he asked.

Zoro waved him over, his eyes never leaving the wall. "Hey, look at this." This section of the wall had been specially set aside by Franky for everyone's bounties. Sanji shuddered—he had taken his poster down until he got a real picture, damnit—and looked at the other posters.

"Okay, Mr. Macho Man, I know how deadly you look in that stupid poster of yours. Stop rubbing it in," Sanji snarled. "Just because your bounty is a little higher than mine—"

"Jeez, calm down will you? That's not what I'm talking about…insecure bastard…" Zoro said, pointing at Luffy's picture. "Have you realized a kind of weird trend about all of Luffy's bounties?"

Sanji looked at the picture in puzzlement. "What, that it keeps growing?"

Zoro slapped a hand to his forehead. "No, idiot. Every time his bounty goes up, it's because he saved a girl."

Sanji stared at him. "I never knew you were keeping track of Luffy's life like that. There's a such thing as taking loyalty a little too far, you know."

"Shut up! That's not what I mean. Look, it started out with Nami, right? So he saves the witch by beating Arlong, and he gets a bounty of 30 million."

"Okay, and where is this going…?"

"I said shut up! Listen. Next, he saves Vivi and Arabasta by kicking Crocodile's ass. Then comes the bounty of 100 million. Heh, I get a bounty of 60 million too…"

"Oi, I thought you just said you weren't going to brag about that."

"Just saying, sheesh. Alright, then he goes and saves Robin from going to Impel Down, and gets boosted up to _300 million._" Zoro paused for dramatic effect, then grins and says, "And I get a bounty of 120 million."

"Oi!"

"Okay, okay, keep your pants on. Does this make Luffy a kind of womanizer or something? He gets famous because of these women," Zoro asks in a hushed voice.

Sanji looks at Zoro in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me. It's just a coincidence that all these women happened to be involved in highly dangerous criminal activities. Well, one of them was a princess, but still. How can that kid be a womanizer?"

Zoro looked around surreptitiously and walked to the door. "Watch. I bet he's doing it right now."

Against his better judgment, Sanji followed Zoro to the kitchen, where Nami was last seen reading her newspaper. They fought briefly and silently over who would listen at the keyhole and who would listen at the bottom of the door.

Zoro ended up being on top and got the keyhole.

Sanji crouched on all fours on the bottom, straining to hear what was going on inside.

"Shh, idiot, they'll hear you!" Zoro hissed.

The sound of a moan interrupted the two of them, and they froze.

"…like this, Nami?" Luffy's voice drifted through the thick door, and they heard Nami respond with breathily.

"Ooh, yes, Luffy…feels great…"

"Captain-san, I never knew that your hands could feel this good…"

"Robin-chan, too?!" Sanji whispered shrilly. "What the…"

"Shh!"

Another sensual moan reached their ears.

---

Back in the dormitories, Zoro and Sanji were panting. They had sprinted from the door after hearing all manners of…_things_.

"I thought it was bad, but I didn't think it'd be THIS bad!" Zoro gasped while clutching a stitch in his side. "I guess women do love power, eh?"

Sanji was on all fours, clutching his head while rocking from side to side.

"They were having a _threesome!"_ he croaked, before falling in a dead faint.


End file.
